Saturday, January 29, 2005

Non-Winter Winter Break

(That's right it was 18 degrees here in Nicosia today)

Well kids, this is not going to be a stellar week fro me; so, for the first time in the history of this website, I am taking a posting break. I'll see you all again in Australia and provide all the juicy (like oranges straight from the tree) Cypriate details. In the meantime, I'm taking some downtime in this peaceful house with my family.

Cheers all.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Oh the dooce

Well I was reading dooce this morning, and it made me sad, and since I was already sad and having to leave Munich tonight (except Mr. R is coming to Canada! Save your money man, save save! Awesome, hope my new roomates don't mind some rowdy Europeans in the fall...) and since I'm also too lazy to read the 422 odd comments she's got up there today and post my own, I thought I might give her a bit of a shout out here, because she's awesome, and made me realize that all I have to do to get through today is "take that breath."
Tonight I have to sleep like Tom Hanks in Terminal -- i.e. in an airport lounge at Heathrow. This sucks. I woke up much too early, and went to bed much too late to spend another sleepless night.
I want to go to Australia. I'm sure Cyprus will be nice -- but I want to skip it. I've decided that Australia is going to make me healthy -- physically and mentally (I guess the first step there would be to stop SAYING I'm mental... because comparatively speaking I guess I'm pretty rational). So... I just want to get started on the whole thing -- get into school, and be productive, the whole bit. I'm almost at the end of my limbo, finished the 2 French weeks, had my wonderful 3 day Munich hiatus, and now have 10 days left till my 22 hour flight to Sydney where I will arrive by myself looking like a refugee with half my family's belongings. Hurrah.
My mother keeps telling me, don't wish your life away, always looking forward to the next thing, but it's hard these days not to dwell in the future. At the present moment, I'm sitting at the computer at D&R's waiting for my fam to show up, and listening to some distinctly high pitched giggling coming from the bedroom of the newlyweds N&Z. Ah young love. Haha. It's so cute.
You can understand then why I'm letting my thoughts drift discreetly away.
This week I got my housing sorted for next year. Or rather, I set Av on the case. That's right kids, I'm ghetto-ing it up next year with some boys formerly of Vic hall. Right on, as Av would say.
Now if only I had a place to stay in Canberra... haha... yeah.... a HOMELESS REFUGEE WITH HALF HER FAMILY'S BELONGINGS. Yes!!
4 planes in the next week and a half. Sweet.

I'd say cheers in German one last time but here I have REALLY no idea how to spell it. MR?

Friday, January 21, 2005

Breaking the silence

So, I finally finish typing all this out on the infernal French keyboard. It's my last day in Provence and I've spent the day driving around old haunts, and seeing how absolutely and completely ghetto (as opposed to the pretty much ghetto it was before) my old neighbourhood has become. I feel so cool to have lived here.
Wednesday I lunched with my friend Delphine and her parents, who I haven't seen since I was 13. Since that was 8 years ago I wasn't sure I'd even find her in the same place. But there they all were. Nothing else was the same of course - a lot happens between the ages of 13 and 21 - Delphine is starting her career as a real estate agent, owns a car, smokes half a pack a day and is dating a single father with a view to move in with him in the summer. All of which is so far removed from me that it makes me feel old and directionless, like why don't I grow up already and get on with my life? It's a question that's been bothering me lately, especially being around all these people who have PLANS for the next TWO YEARS OF THEIR LIVES. What?? Am I supposed to KNOW what I'll be doing and where I'll be 2 years from now? Obviously I misplaced the memo. Oh well...
Anyway, I'm being very rude and typing away here while I'm a guest at this house with its wonderful wonderful high speed connection. Here's what I've been writing the past couple weeks, hope you can wade through it.

Bisous.

January 16th 2005:

I have 26 minutes left in which to type up my post:

January 15th 2005

Listening to: Lifted - Bright Eyes "I want a lover I don't have to love, I want a girl who's just out to give a f***"

So, I was walking up the Champs Elysées (yes, I just like saying that) on Wednesday night (unfortunately the Christmas lights had worn out their welcome) and waiting for my brother in the Virgin Megastore; looking a bit unenthusiastically at the soldes which started Monday, and thinking regretfully of the crappy paltriness of my last post, and the e-mails I sent out. I haven't had access since Tuesday night and have no idea when I'll have it again. Needless to say I'm feeling the withdrawal a bit now - I swear it's gotta be as bad as nicotine. As I write this, my parents and I are on the road south to Provence. We've left J in Poitiers for a few days. It's hour 5 of the drive, and I'm forcing myself to zrite this out by hand, though I'm aching to type it -- so much faster. But then it's not like I haven't got the time. I've spent the past 5 hours daydreaming along to my music and composing bits and pieces of posts ... remembering funny things I meant to write about. So I'll try to put my thoughts in some semblance of order here. I've been travelling dozn small highways in the infuriatingly bright light of the rising sun. It might be peaceful, but for the black silhouettes of cardboard men with red lightning bolts through their heads. On these roads they appear every 500 m or so and represent the sites of fatal accidents. Sometimes there are two standing side by side and I wonder if it represents each person or each accident. It's incredibly creepy, incredibly morbid - and strikes me also as incredibly French. It's funny being back in this country. I had forgotten how direct the people are here. It's also interestng to finally be in a place where my vocabulary extends beyond food items and polite greetings. Suddenly I can eavesdrop again, how I've missed that hobby.
So far though, I've spent most of the time in France in the car. This, however, is no complaint. I get about as excited about a car ride as my 12 year old Golden Retriever (and dude, that's excitement). All I need is my cd player and I'm as happy as a clam to sit back here for hours watching out the window and thinking deep thoughts - as deep as mine ever get anyway - and although my mind has been abominably one-tracked lately, I have nonetheless been thinking about my Munich retrospective, about Australia, Fiji, and what to do with my life after I graduate. Granted that last is a bit bigger than I care to venture into right now, but the first I might manage.

Munich Retrospective:
First of all, can I just repeat for like the millionth time how much I LOVE this city? I love it -- eventhough:
-everyone dresses better than me
-I could never afford to live here without major parental support (maybe when I'm 50)
-the girls are pretty f-ing snobby (the poor boys need so much comfort)
-I will never understand German "humour"

But! what really made me fall in love (again!) was the people I met (even those whose names I can't remember). As I'm sure V will agree, Munich is one hell of a party...
Let's take a minute to talk about these people though, since I know you're all dying to know about who I've been hanging out with. (I'm aware, as MR is now an AVID reader of this site, I may get in trouble for the following, but oh well, here goes).

The lesser-knowns:
Franko - 21 year old student of American culture. We spent one night in his apt talking drunken politics till 4am, then stood him up the next night because I was too sick and never saw him again, although he lived across the street from us.

Andy - Never could figure this kid out. Younger friend of MR's with expensive taste and a tendency to wink for no reason. Absolutely f-ing hilarious to be honest, but there's always a feeling that the joke's on you

Luam (again, spelling iffy) - German Ethiopian guy whose name we had a hell of a time recording, and who spent a good part of one night trying to convince us to acccompany him to Berlin to witness his break onto the modelling scene, and demonstrating his skills for V's camera. Absolute sweetheart who led me outside for air after I was sick at Barschwein. Thanks kiddo.

Jean-Baptiste - French-speaking Swiss guy who told me I had the body of a goddess, which to be fair sounded a lot less ridiculous in French (and who am I to deny it? it's not like one gets these compliments everyday) and who had some very interesting relationships with his friends "Je lui ai piqué sa copine."

Max II - Slightly mysterious guy who seemed to show up only when night was half over, and in between rather random vague conversation kept pretty much to himself. Way to work the intriguing vampiric angle.

The Well-Knowns:

Maxi! - What would we have done without MR? A hell of a lot less, I can tell you.
Things you may not have known about Maxi:
- he has an older and a younger brother and the three are IMPOSSIBLE to tel apart on the phone - mostly because when they answer they've just woken up. On more than one occasion I may have called his little brother "honey", but I don't think he minded.
- he is gradually breaking down my resistance to eye contact when toasting (something Steve M never succeeded in doing during grade 11 math class - but everyone knows, and V will definitely corroborate this, that my eye contact is a powerful weapon, no telling what it can do to a person, so I tend to guard it carefully. That's right you nerds I'm like Cyclops).
- He's a sports science student, but smokes like a f-ing chimney (dig dig)
- in a straight face contest he would definitely be the first one to smile
- when he's drunk he forgets his own strength and his knee slaps become paralyzing
- someday he wants to drive a hummer (that would look so funny in munich next to the beamers!)

The known-forevers:

Of course who could forget the family R, always the highlight of our Munich trips. It's interesting to me that such crazy (good crazy -- good) people could make me feel so calm, but they do, and its always so good to see them.
DE of course, who, when we were kids, I used to think was such a pain in the ass BOY, only improves in his old age, and is now the MOST interesting English lit. student I know (don't worry KP, you're right up there too).
He's also the only person I've ever heard (and pleas excuse me for this next) called a fucking cunt in a GOOD way, as in, "Rees, you fucking cunt, how the hell are you?"
In addition to this, I am the soul (surviving) witness to his look of abject humiliation as he stood on the Ubahn platform with his foot stuck in the door of the train - a story which I've threatened to post here, but since I think you really just had to be there, I'll keep the hilarity to myself (take it to my grave) and quit taking the piss, lest he never return an email, ever again.

I've got 3 days left in Munich when I get back next week. Three days in which to do some important exchange things, repack, party one last time with MR, get my head together for Australia, and say good bye to the city & the people... but not for good. This city and I aren't done with each other.

January 17th 2005

You know you've been in Europe too long (can it ever be too long?) when:
- You think "Damn, that girl has the nicest ass I've ever seen, bitch!"
- You roll up your pants in winter.
- You've actually attempted to stuff your pants into your boots.
- Your scarf collection begins to rival your shoes.
- It becomes very important to you to use words like "underwear," "nightstand," "windshield," "trunk," "toilet paper," and "paper towel"
- While looking for a parking space you actually say the words, "I wish we had a Smartcar."
- You can almost say ciao! with a straight face.
- When you speak Russian words to your family they understand and don't miss a beat.
- It sometimes takes a full 2 seconds to remember in which language to say thank you.
- Your 5 to 10 a day are more likely to refer to bread than fruit.
- You say to your brother "The shampoo is the one in German and the conditioner is the one in Cyrillic script."

January 19th 2005

My brother:
A, I've just had a religious experience. My Ferrero Rocher had 12 paper cups on it. It got so thing I thought it must be just three, but then they just kept coming!

Monday, January 17, 2005

Crap

Due to french keyboards I couldn't finish my post in time so you're all just going to have to wait till next time
I should warn you I could be MIA until Sunday night.

Cheers

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Paris, mais non pas au printemps

en plein milieu de janvier -- il pleut -- c'est pas beau.

That's right kids, I've found myself a cozy hole-in-the-wall internet café in which to post to my little connexion-deprived heart's content (for the right price). So here I am, struggling with this freaking keyboard, and trying to remember exactly what I wanted to write...

So, I'm in Paris. I'd rather be in Munich. I have a sinus infection. I spent most of yesterday in bed in the hotel watching Buffy episodes and drinking Paris tap water. Awesome you say? oh yes, awesome.

Today I went to the Musée d'Orsay, and then to Notre Dame, where I spoke German (yes! German!) to make the gypsies leave me alone (back Esmerelda, back!).

Gypsy: speak English?
Me: Nein, enschuldigung.
Gypsy: Little bit?
Me: Nein, Ich spreche kein Englisch.

I know, I'm a cold hard hearted bitch. I also can't spell in German, so I apologize if MR or DE happen to read this.

Then we took a very long subway trip to see the Catacombs which it turns out are in fact closed until May -- thanks for letting us know -- the sign saying this was graffitied with angry messages, I took a picture but can't post it from here. They said things like: 'Dites-le! Merde!' and 'Et le site d'internet mis à jour de temps en temps ça serait bien!'
Poor foiled angry French people.

So, now, here we are.

cheers.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Last night out

*sob*
I leave Germany tomorrow and head for Paris. But we couldn't leave this wonderful city of Munich without one last hit at Gunther Murphy's and, of course, barschwein.
I have to say, the time here has gone so much faster than the two months in Kyiv, and SO MANY AMAZING things have happened while we've been here...
I really, really, REALLY don't want to trade this in for a cold iron phallic symbol (read Eiffel Tower)

(Aside: My brother says: One of the hairs on my toe is FREAKISH! It's like some Unicorn thing, come see this! You won't be disappointed.)


I miss you already, and I'm not even gone...


Il Grappolo Posted by Hello


back to barschwein Posted by Hello


... Posted by Hello


M jr. Posted by Hello

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Ways to f-ing STRESS ME OUT

-Leave me a note in the morning with the words "It's crunch time guys!" written on it
-Yell at inanimate objects (i.e. the computer)
-Tell me that I WILL HAVE A GOOD TIME
-Don't bother sending me the letter that I NEED to get my student visa for Australia, eventhough a month ago you said "ASAP"
-Reject my mandatory forms on the 23rd of December, and tell me to "Have a good holiday"

Thanks guys!

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

I'm back I'm back

sorry, sheesh.
Been a bit busy lately seeing as it's our last week... and so all the preparations that the last week entails are under way.

So, post V, I want to have a V post... heh heh, yes, clever. She's been complaining about my lack of discretion here, but I promise this will be entertaining and discreet at the same time.

Things you might not necessarily know about V (obviously if you don't know her at all, these will all be a surprise!):

-She can Juggle!
-She has taken out her tongue ring (it was disrupting her chakra)
-She may be the only person on earth who thinks that I'm NORMAL (hee hee)
-She is 3 cm taller than me (but otherwise the same size)
-We think of the same song lyrics for the same situation (You give me the most gorgeous sleep that I've ever had)
-Sometimes I think we may possibly be the same person (except I can't Juggle!)
-She doesn't have a dishwasher.
-She can beat the crap out of you with a sword (handy girl to have around in a clinch)
-She has older twin sisters

V I miss you! When we're old and grey (and have enough money) we'll hit up this town again. It'll be the dance floor at the Atomic Cafe all over again. Careful not to slip on the drool boys.

Cheers

Saturday, January 01, 2005

DUDE!

Yeah first happy thing of the new year:
I'm indexed on Google! You can totally find me now! It's taken so long... I feel like I'm actually a part of this internet thing suddenly. OMG OMG. That means that like, people I DON'T KNOW might find my site. Oh worlds!

Hurrah!

Happy St. Sylvester (long and deep, such a drag)

Well....
I don't know what to say. I had the STRANGEST night... like... ever. And I never got drunk (I'm such a good girl!).
Some of the stuff I saw last night, man, I can't even write it here, because some of my readers would be shocked and appalled.
What I can tell you though is that I definitely got hit in the head with the fallout from a firework. And I definitely hate fireworks, and am definitely going to jump at the slightest noise for days now. You should have seen the streets of Munich at 5 am. Tons of people, and I'm pretty sure that I was the only sober one.
All I could think walking along looking at these people is how sad they looked. And I remember years when I was that drunk and sad... and the resolution two years ago not to be like that again. I've kept it for two years running now, so I guess that's something. I also remember years when I was so happy at christmas and new year's, but now usually, it's the saddest time of year. So many emotions, so much pressure, so many expectations and so much history are involved in this one week at the end of each year; it just seems to overload everyone. I was talking the other day to JHR about how there's so much pressure to do some major partying for New Year's, and how sometimes you'd really just like to curl up with a bottle of wine and a good friend in front of the television. V and I almost had one of those ourselves, since we so overdid it in the no-sleep department the night before and were so tired we felt nauseous. It seems to really get to that point this last week of December where you feel so much pressure to really HAVE FUN, that you're too busy worrying about it to have any. In the end maybe a calm night is the perfect way to start off the year.
But now this week is almost over, I'm ready for this new year. I say bring it on. I have to admit that I haven't always been happy this past year, and mostly it's been through no one's fault but my own (and sometimes no one's fault at all, but the fault of my overactive brain functions). I have a lot of guilt about things, things that still keep me awake at night and give me major indigestion. In the fashion of most anxiety disorders, most of my guilt is completely unfounded. In fact a lot of it is over things that happened years ago, that everyone has forgotten but me. Other stuff not so much. And here I realize I'm being a total cryptologist but to be honest there's not a single person on the planet who is privy to all the sources of my insanity, and only one person who even comes remotely close.
Anyway, in the way of all introspective, retrospective, New Year's, run-on blog entries to be released to the internet (you'd be surprised how many I've read, and how much they sound like mine) I'm making my resolution: to be happier this year, and therefore cause those I love to be happier because they don't have to deal with my bouts of darkness so often (V has recently witnessed one, it may have freaked her out a bit). Maybe I should start by changing the name of the website, because I know that somehow all my cynicism and anger at things take their toll on me. (But then where would my patronage go for their non hallucinogenic dose of acid?)
Mostly here my resolution is not to be happy poof! but to work at it, and to understand that I may need help in achieving this. I made my first venture into therapy last year, but the whole leaving for a year sort of got in the way of my progress (and consequently induced more guilt at having let down the therapist, haha, oh I know, INSANE).
These past four months away from home have made me realize some things though -- for one how serious this whole anxiety thing is getting, how much my parents really worry about it too, and how much those kids in junior high who called me "miss perfectionist" were absolutely right, and how debilitating a perfectionistic state of mind can actually be. It's exhausting, and not only to me, to people around me.
So time to get some drugs and take care of it -- just not the kind of drugs the kids were taking around the table at the bar last night...

Okay so that was my awkward way of ending my awkward post, and making light. I'm not actually going to get drugs guys, don't worry. Anyway you all know my strict adherence to a non-medicated way of life, prescription or otherwise.

I promise no more deep depressing, poor-little-me posts for at least another 2 months.
Hope you all had a fabulous new year's eve, no matter what you did to ring it in.

Cheers babies.