Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Living by a code

M&C has been on vacation! Did I forget to tell you?
Oh! October has been so busy. So much going on, and it will be a little while before I start talking about everything here because I would like the gist of October events to become common knowledge before I embark upon them. Instead! While I wait for my webdocs to synchronize, a story.

Lying in bed last night, and going over everything we have to talk about, I suggest to TM that we start a list.
“We could start a list!” I say with relish, “and it could be colour-coded!”
TM starts to laugh. I shrink down under the covers.
“What?” I say in a small voice.
“Your friends warned me that you might do this,” he says.
“What?!” I sit up.
“When I was talking to them on the phone.”
“WHAT?”
“They asked me whether you had an organized colour-coded plan yet.”
“WHA---aat?”
“And I said no, but that it was a distinct possibility.”
“Oh my god.”
“And you JUST SUGGESTED IT.”
The look on TM’s face is nothing short of gleeful, and I am horrified.

The truth is though, that this is the second time in a month that some one has made a joke about my colour-coding things. The first time being my brother, my own flesh and blood. Honestly, don’t people know that my colour-coding is a sensitive topic. I mean, I don’t colour-code EVERYTHING, so I’m always a bit surprised that people make mention of it. In my head, my colour-coding is pretty under control. “Under control” is a relative term I guess. Because I successfully resist the urge to organize my underwear drawer, or my makeup bag, or my box of yarn… but not my box of embroidery thread, or my food, or, well, anything to do with work – those are all arranged, usually according to the spectrum of light. So although I feel like I have cut my colour-coding by half, to everyone else, I suppose I still appear to go way over the norm on colour-coding. Is there a colour-coding norm?
Anyway, if everyone could just take into consideration that I have a photographic memory, and that in order to remember things colour-coding is sometimes essential, and not at all bizarre. Yes, in calculus class, I wrote out each concept in a different colour, but come exam time, I could picture those notes according to what colour I had written them in and actually read them in my head. Who’s the weirdo now huh?

Monday, October 01, 2007

Job Opportunity: Need Keeper

Now Hiring: Keeper

Qualifications:
- at least 3 years experience dealing with lost causes, mooncows, and artists
- must have patience and good interpersonal skills
- depth perception and spatial awareness a must
- First Aid training a plus
- Must have valid driver's license and own transportation

Responsibilities include:
- Looking out for reality-challenged, otherwise healthy, 24-year-old mondo-klutz in semi-annual fugue state
- Removing obstacles from path, sharp objects from hands, and checking for hidden depths (lit. not fig.)
- Occasional support (phys., i.e. aiding with walking), and heavy lifting (pers.)
- Occasional fetch and carry
- Transportation of subject from place to place
- General avoidance of perilous situations
- Dealing with various wounds and/or injuries
- Daily food prep work (i.e. chopping)

A little about the subject:
- Tendency to fall over and/or hit things accidentally
- Not so good with knives
- Brief history of injuries sustained in the previous month:

~ September 9: Fell into concealed ditch, sustained multiple cuts from brambles and bruised ribs
~ September 22: Sliced hand with chef's knife, sustained extreme light-headedness (phobia)
~ September 24: Cut right through very tip of finger with paring knife.
~ September 26: Fell on bus and grabbed rail with left arm. Sprained rotator cuff and tore rhomboid muscle.
~ October 1: Wiped out in middle of office while holding large box, sustained knee injury.

Start: As soon as possible, obvious urgent necessity.

Only those who are not serious need apply.