Job Opportunity: Need Keeper

Now Hiring: Keeper

Qualifications:
- at least 3 years experience dealing with lost causes, mooncows, and artists
- must have patience and good interpersonal skills
- depth perception and spatial awareness a must
- First Aid training a plus
- Must have valid driver's license and own transportation

Responsibilities include:
- Looking out for reality-challenged, otherwise healthy, 24-year-old mondo-klutz in semi-annual fugue state
- Removing obstacles from path, sharp objects from hands, and checking for hidden depths (lit. not fig.)
- Occasional support (phys., i.e. aiding with walking), and heavy lifting (pers.)
- Occasional fetch and carry
- Transportation of subject from place to place
- General avoidance of perilous situations
- Dealing with various wounds and/or injuries
- Daily food prep work (i.e. chopping)

A little about the subject:
- Tendency to fall over and/or hit things accidentally
- Not so good with knives
- Brief history of injuries sustained in the previous month:

~ September 9: Fell into concealed ditch, sustained multiple cuts from brambles and bruised ribs
~ September 22: Sliced hand with chef's knife, sustained extreme light-headedness (phobia)
~ September 24: Cut right through very tip of finger with paring knife.
~ September 26: Fell on bus and grabbed rail with left arm. Sprained rotator cuff and tore rhomboid muscle.
~ October 1: Wiped out in middle of office while holding large box, sustained knee injury.

Start: As soon as possible, obvious urgent necessity.

Only those who are not serious need apply.