Tailless Raccoon ad infinitum

So, apparently, people in the Southern United States have a thing about tailless raccoons, because I’ve had my second hit on those keywords in less than a month, and two hits for me on the same random keywords? That’s an enormous deal.

I have dutifully looked them up myself (because my first instinct was to be all sarcastic – like, who looks up tailless raccoons? Do they actually think that such an animal exists? Like a manx raccoon? Hi! Raccoons get mutated spines because YOU RUN THEM OVER IN YOUR CAR, not because they’re bred that way. Both hits from the Southern US: coincidence? – but then I decided to suspend my sarcasm and look before I launched) and as it turns out, while there is no such thing as a naturally occurring tailless raccoon, and for that reason this website is ranked IN SECOND PLACE!!! there is in fact a term, “Tailless Raccoon” helpfully defined in the Urban Dictionary. BEFORE YOU CLICK – I should warn you that the definition is really gross, and that you should definitely not open it at work. Just save it for a private moment at home. Trust me, it can wait.

Unfortunately, this definition, in addition to the aforementioned sarcasm, has left me with two unfavourable conclusions about the Deep South. On the one hand they could have such a tenuous relationship with the idea of evolution as to think those mutilated critters running around were born that way; on the other, the geographic attribution of the term “Arkansas license plate” (google away, I can’t stop you) may be a very appropriate association.

Do you think, if I keep this whole Tailless Raccoon thing going for a while I might get my very first hit of hate mail? Oooh. Hate mail totally puts you on the map. But hopefully a very NORTHERN part of the map. Tee hee!

Luckily, I’ve actually been to a lot of the Southern States, so my jesting observations are actually tempered by first hand experience. With the exception of the constant repetition of the horrifying lingual amalgam “y’all,” the people all seemed very nice, very un-annoying, and not, outwardly anyway, overly inclined to bum sex (sorry! sorry!).

Anyway, I’m so excited about this tailless raccoon activity, that I might make my Tailless Raccoon post a weekly event. Haven’t had a recurring theme here since the Song of the Day petered and died. But of course, as with everything I propose offhandedly, we’ll just have to wait and see.