my dad

Two funny things my dad has said lately:

1. On Tuesday we went to watch the Village - a crappy movie I have seen, and he has not. So I sat there and laughed while everyone jumped at the scary parts, and my dad sat there and jumped everytime the woman sitting in the seat beside him flew three feet out of her chair and SCREAMED. I suspect she may have been hamming it up for the guy she was with (OMG PROTECT ME I'M SO SCARED ... loser.), who she also had to keep explaining EVERY SINGLE PLOT TWIST BECAUSE HE WAS TOO STUPID TO GET IT. Way to find yourself a winner lady. Anyway, my poor father understandably had a bit of a complain about it. And then this morning at breakfast he started in again:
"Man that woman... the one at the movie... she ALSO smelled REALLY BAD. She had SO MUCH perfume on. It was HORRIBLE. I really just wanted to hit her with my elbow... in the face."

2. When we were planning what to do today, which involved going to this liquor store in the suburbs and buying BOXES AND BOXES of alcohol, he said:
"Well, you could wait till we get back from the Liquorland to go to the gym... or we could just get home and get wasted on all the booze we buy."
And I was all: "Compromise: why don't I go to the gym when we get back, and THEN we can get wasted?"

I should mention that instead we came home, jumped in the pool, worked on our tans for a conservative 15 minutes, and now have had a snack (beer) and dad is snoring on the couch. Swimming, sun, and alcohol, it'll do that to you.
Of course, I should only mention that because I know it will make most of you a little jealous, just a little. I don't know where the evil streak comes from, but it's somewhere in my genes...