The True Story of My Day (selected anecdotes)

- Wake up and go into kitchen to make lunch for the day, only to discover that what I had planned to make - tortillas - is no longer there. The whole package of spinach tortillas has mysteriously disappeared from my shelf in the fridge. Yet I was sure that I saw them when I came back home and meticulously checked my food supply for shortages (yeah yeah, laugh it up). And then it dawns on me. The cleaning crew who came through the house on Monday morning (all hail the mighty cleaning crew!! - they who tamed the mold and bleached the shower into submission) cleaned out the fridges. My tortillas, being green, and not looking like normal tortillas... well, I guess they joined the mold by wrongful conviction.

- At lunch time I go into town and pick up my bike, then ride it back to work. When I get back into the office I realize that unaccountably, the theme to Flashdance has been running through my head.

- I eat lunch on a picnic table outside the FH (no that doesn't stand for fire hydrant, or hose, or hall, I'm not a fire...person, anyway...), and a bug lands on my book. I try to brush it away but it just smushes on the page, which I SWEAR was not my intention. I look around to see if there were any other bugs watching and actually feel guilty. An ant comes strolling towards my bag of salad, and I brush him away too, just to prove I can do it. He does not smush.

- Still eating lunch, and distracted from the INCREDIBLY ridiculous "chick-lit" which I've brought for company, I start a mental game of What Not to Wear which lasts the rest of the day.

- In the afternoon I sit and input data from surveys about second year film courses into Excel. I chuckle to myself everytime I come across a survey where the question is "What year did you take FILM 215?" and the person has written "YES." After all, they're film students. Not rocket scientists. I laugh harder when I see that the perpetrator is in 4th year, and is probably someone I know.

- After work I go to a HAWKSLEY! concert and stare dreamily at him eventhough he seems to be developing a paunch. He rocks my world and talks a lot about soap. Red soap that costs $6 and comes from a health food store and has something kinky on the label and makes you feel not just clean but "REALLY clean, like you're a spiritual animal." I make note of these things so that someday I might track down and use the same soap as Hawksley, to, like, you know, be closer to him some how? Not to try to become a spiritual animal, because if I wanted to do that I'd just start experimenting with drugs, and we all know how likely that is.

- Every once in a while during the concert I am distracted from thinking about Hawksley, and soap, and Hawksley using soap... on his newly developed paunch... because the guy in front of me has shifted and let off another waft of stinky-dread air. He scratches his head a lot, and it smells every time he does, and I think, dude, you are not doing something right. You know all this talk about soap? IT'S DIRECTED AT YOU. The smell reminds me of when I was 16 and used to hang out with hippies. Especially the girls who didn't shave their armpits in the summer.

- We go to DQ after the concert to sate an onion ring craving (mine, *sigh*). The girl in front of us (a contestant in the WNTW game, still going on) steps in some icecream offal on the floor and freaks out saying loudly "OH MY GOD THAT'S DISGUSTING!" and then promptly flips the bird -- at the ice cream on the floor. I try very hard not to collapse. We spend an inordinate amount of time after that giving the finger to inanimate objects and cackling maniacally. We sit in an orange booth and eat grease, and I notice a girl sitting with her back to us has a CHANEL hair clip in her hair. And I squint, and wonder, does that REALLY say CHANEL?? On her HAIRCLIP?? Finally I have to conclude that indeed it does say Chanel on her hairclip, it even has the double C logo.
At least though, in one night, I've covered both ends of the hair spectrum.
It was a mighty fine day.