Funding Request: One Tranquilizer Gun; 4 Months Supply of Darts (with enough tranquilizer to take down a average size deer)

Report: Tuesday, August 26th, 2003.
The Student Boardroom at the headquarters of a shady government agency has put in a request for funding of one standard issue tranquilizer rifle, and a quantity of tranquilizer darts intended for mid-size cervids. Upon recieving the request, Shared Services Agents were sent out to further investigate the situation, before processing the fund applications.
At approximately 16 00 hrs, two agents were dispatched to the Student Boardroom. Their inquiries led to the discovery that a humanoid being had taken up residence in the boardroom among the students, unbeknownst to the agency's security net. The being was found to have some human resemblances in form and comportment, but its origin has been undetermined as of yet. It is clearly not of this earth.
The students, it seems, had been putting up with the habitation for a matter of months without bringing it to the attention of the proper authorities. When questioned, one student explained: "Sure, it really bothers us, it (pause) does things, uh, eats things (another pause), it's just not normal. But we never realized it wasn't actually human." Another, more vocal resident of the boardroom had this to report, "It's (expletive deleted) weird, man. It, like, eats its own skin and stuff. I always knew it was a (expletive deleted) martian." It was this last student who put in the request at the others' urging. Collectively, the students explained that they had noticed the creature's habit of napping periodically, and it lead to one student coming up with the idea of the tranquilizers. Another student, a young woman aspiring to vet college, was confident she could approximate the appropriate dosage, "We wanted it arranged so that we could have him out the second he walked in the door and woken up before it was time for him to leave." When asked why they thought the creature wouldn't notice this lapse in time, the students replied simply, "We just had a feeling."
After observing the being for several days under controlled conditions, the agents have concluded that it does indeed present a health threat to the tenants of the Student Boardroom. It's constant picking and lack of sanitation will no doubt be dangerous to the students well being. It is already suspected that the extent of time spent in its presence has had negative effects on the students' mental states. "I just can't stand it anymore," commented one.
The creature was unavailable for comment to include in this report. It is assumed that its vocal tract is not adapted to human speech. All sounds it has emitted to date have been high in pitch, have caused harm to eardrums in close proximity and, strangely, are emitted only when another conversation is taking place, as though meant to interrupt.
The agency remains undecided on the fate of the unidentified being, although is currently considering bids from several outside corporations, including the Toronto Zoo.
The students' request for tranquilizer gun has been cancelled, due to the recent developments in this case.

silverlined83@yahoo.ca