Shoe Down
This weekend I went home and, among many other things accomplished, cleaned out my closet. I do this every time I move somewhere, even if it's just home, or to another house in K-town. It ends up being a bi-annual (twice yearly) activity which usually yields at least a garbage bag of charity-bound items which first of course gets a good once over by a couple of girlfriends. I have a guideline in doing this that I get rid of anything I haven't worn in the last year. If I haven't worn it in any season for the last twelve-month, I'm probably not going to wear it again and it's just taking up space. Valuable real estate which could be occupied by new things.
If you're wondering how it's possible that I can remember exactly what hasn't been worn in the space of a year -- who would actually devote that much memory to the cataloguing of daily outfits? Ask any woman, and she will tell you: all of us. It's not conscious; it's archetypal.
The problem with my closet at home is that it invariably becomes a resting place for things which I'm just not SURE about yet. Things which I don't want right NOW, but I might want LATER because fashion, as we all know, is more incestuous than anything from a Big Love story line. So when I cleaned out my closet this weekend, in an effort to lessen the burden of packing I'm going to have to deal with in December before I move to Vancouver, I ended up with THREE GARBAGE BAGS FULL of clothes and shoes. You all need to read the last part of that sentence again and MARVEL SOME MORE.
The number of my closetary diaspora included over 15 pairs of shoes. CONTINUE THE MARVELLING. This was a big deal for me, because if there's anything I have a hard time giving up -- milk products, Australian mango preserve, old magazines -- shoes are certainly the most difficult. They are also one of the things I love most in the world. My mother has recently taken full responsibility for this, but I think laying the full weight of the blame on her would be a little unfair -- you should see my grandmother's closet.
It's hardly surprising that heterosexual men should have such a hard time understanding this. Why and how would one ever make use of more than three pairs of shoes? I honestly can't answer this question -- another symptom of my illness.
I emailed TM today in part to describe my sartorial victory, and he wrote back, duly impressed, saying that as long as we kept it around 20 pairs we probably wouldn't over run our closet space.
His response illicited this panicked email to my mother:
Could you count the shoes hanging on my door? I believe there's only the one pair of boots actually in the closet. I told TM today about my triumphant shoe removal, and he wrote back that he'd checked out the closet space more thoroughly this weekend and that there wasn't that much space but if we were to keep it at ~20 pairs of shoes between us we'd be okay. And I thought ONLY TWENTY PAIRS? CRAP.
Every once in a while I have a creeping suspicion he may not actually understand exactly what he's getting himself into ;) Maybe if I promise to keep them all in a box instead of on the floor of the closet...
hee hee?
I then sent him a message asking him if he realized that I still probably had more than 20 pairs of shoes. That in fact, here in K-town alone I had 11.
He wrote the following: X-15 > 20 ? (You've gotta love a man who communicates in inequalities)
I said, um... Yes.
Subsequently, my mother responded to my email saying that I had 16 pairs hanging on my door (but that several pairs were VERY skinny).
So... the current grand total?
16 hanging on door + 1 pair of boots on floor + 11 at school (not including the three pairs I intend to get rid of before I move)
= 28 pairs of shoes
Wait, what was that sound? Did you hear that? I think... yeah...
That was TM reading this and saying "WHAT?!"
Except possibly in bigger caps...
Did I mention some of them are flip-flops? Very flat and stackable...
posted by Alexis at 10/23/2006 09:25:00 p.m.
6 Comments:
I feel a response is in order.
The limiting number of 20 pairs of shoes was something I picked quite arbitrarily, though admittedly my intention was to quote an arbitrarily HIGH number that would surely not be exceeded. Foolish is the heterosexual man who endeavours to estimate a woman's shoe count. Archetypal? Yet this raises an interesting point: after having lived with you for 8/12 months of a year, I've only known you to wear approximately 6 different pairs of shoes. Extrapolate that to complete a full 12 months and, ceteris paribus, one may assume you actually wore about 9 pairs of shoes between Sept 05 and Sept 06. According to your own prescribed wardrobe re-evaluation scheme, of 28 pairs of shoes about 18 have gone unworn in the last year - and you know what that means...
Fortunately, I am well aware that your shoes transcend any laws that may apply to mere drapery and threads. Space will be made to accommodate the collection in its entirety, and future shoe-shopping expeditions will go unchallenged.
[As a sidenote, I don't generally communicate in inequalities. Today's was an unfortunate exception necessitated by haste, which has now regrettably been published for the scrupulous audience of M&C.]
*sigh* I admit that I do own shoes which have never seen the light of day. BUT! I have not had them for longer than 12 months (as of this weekend all those I had not worn before which exceeded that mark were done away with). Also, unfortunately your estimation is again reserved and if you thought about it some more you might remember others. We're not talking shoes in constant rotation, but all shoes that I may have occasion to wear throughout the course of one year (think winter boots, sandals, and parties into that total). Since I can look at all the pairs of shoes with me right now and tell you confidently that I have worn all but ONE (which will be disposed of) -- that's already 13 pairs. I can provide dates and examples if need be.
Your concerns may be unwarranted here - closet space is abundant and we even have shelves built in. But then again, I'm naive.
Whatever we lack in closet space, we will surely make up for in other ways.
For instance: floor space - given that we have no furniture.
bi-annual, doesn't that mean once very two years?
Haha! The debate continues...
that doesn't surprise me AT ALL.
oh, and i'm pretty sure my bf messes up your theory regarding heterosexual men (you may wish to add a metrosexual amendment). i've just asked him how many pairs of shoes/boots he owns and he replied with "umm, 20ish". you two put me to shame!!
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